The Enema….

Now there are going to be those of you out there that know what an Enema is. And there are going to be those of you out there that think you know what an Enema is, but in fact have no clue. And then there will be those of you out there who are wondering why the hell I’m leading off this week’s blog talking about Enemas because you didn’t read Part 1 of this 3-Part Blog Series released earlier this week!!!! For these people I suggest you go back and read Part 1 before continuing any further!

Now if you’re like I was, and think that you know what an Enema is but in reality have no clue, let me give you Wikipedia’s definition for reference: Enema – “An enema, also known as a clyster, is an injection of fluid into the lower bowel by way of the rectum. Also the word Enema can refer to the liquid so injected, as well as to a device for administering such injection.

In other words, the Nurse had me lay on my side while she opened my butt cheeks so she could shoot an entire bunch of liquid up my ass with a hose! (“device”)

Let me brief here for a moment and tell you that nothing and I mean NOTHING has ever been “injected”, “administered” or “shot up” my ass until that very moment. And let me honest when I tell you that nothing and I mean NOTHING will ever be “injected”, “administered” or “shot up” my ass again, unless it’s a matter of life and death situation. That liquid traveled into uncharted territory. That liquid went where no woman or man has gone before (in my butt anyways). And that Nurse asked me to hold that liquid in my butt for twenty minutes before releasing (un-clenching).

The Dry Spell

Without a doubt, those twenty minutes were the longest 20 minutes of my natural born life. Now, I know that there are many women (and men) out there that go to Spas and pay to have Enemas done on them to help “clean themselves out”. And I also know that many of these women (and men) get charged up the ass for the cost of these Enemas (no pun intended). So these people are probably wondering what the hell I’m bitching and complaining about when I just received a complete Enema performed in a nice bed free of charge (GOD BLESS THE CANADIAN HEALTH CARE SYSTEM!!!!). But let me be clear once more – I don’t like Enemas! I didn’t want an Enema! And I most certainly would never PAY for an Enema! No Sir! Some good old fashioned soap, hot water, and the detachable shower handle in my walk-in shower has always worked wonders for me thanks!

With all that said, do you know what the worst part about this damn Enema Experience was? It didn’t work!!!!!!

The 2nd CT Scan

The reason the Enema didn’t work was for the reason I had originally suspected – there was nothing left in me to clear out. Remember, prior to getting liquid shot up my ass, I had just downed 2 litres of Gastrografin (aka “The Gross Shit”) a few hours earlier. My body was depleted. My bowels were empty. But my stomach was still in agony.

Finally, it was time for my 2nd CT Scan. The Technician doing the CT Scans was really nice as she didn’t force me to drink any nasty shit or have a desire to shoot anything up my ass. The CT Scan itself was fairly straightforward and easy to do. I don’t ever get claustrophobic either so going inside the machine was no issue for me. It also helped that by this point I was heavily medicated on pain killers and morphine, so really had no idea as to what the hell was going on anyways.

Once the second CT Scan was complete, I was moved out of the Emergency Room, where I had spent the past 24 hours, into a more quiet area of the Hospital to await my results. So I bid farewell to my neighbour who remained handcuffed to his bed from across the hall. Said my goodbyes to my suicidal neighbour to my right and her stuffed rabbit who she kept locked in a pet case carrier. And on my way out, tried my very best to avoid eye contact with my neighbour on the left who had managed to somehow piss, shit and vomit all over himself multiple times throughout the night, yet was still miraculously eating his afternoon lunch with ease as I left the room.

I was relieved as now I could finally have a bit of peace and quiet. Perhaps, I could even get in an hour or two of sleep before my results arrived from the 2nd CT Scan. The bed was much more comfortable. The other patients were much more friendly. The toilets were much more clean. This was my chance to calm my nerves from all the undelightful, albeit entertaining events that I had experienced within the past 24 hours while in Emergency.

It was time to rest.
It was time to relax.
It was time to take the COVID-19 Test……

Stayed Tuned for Part 3 of My 3-Part Blog – “The Stupid Things I Used To Think” due out later this week.

Yours in Good Health,

Nick Cosgrove
Forever Fit Performance