I had my Grand Mal seizure on Wednesday, March 10th at 10:45am. I was discharged from Vancouver General Hospital later that day at 8:45pm without a diagnosis as to why my seizure had occurred. I was back at work the following morning at 6:00am.
I lied to many of you and told you that I would only be working half days for the next few weeks while I awaited for the results from my MRI and EEG tests. But truth be told, I only did this because I didn’t want clients and my family to worry, and I really didn’t want to listen to all the lectures that I would receive for not taking time off work to allow my body to rest and recover.
Unfortunately I banged my head quite hard and quite often during my initial seizure. The pain was excruciating and only became worse after I left the hospital. After two days of dealing with constant headaches and a throbbing head, I reluctantly gave in and took the prescription pain killers which were prescribed to me after my appendix surgery last year.
The pain killers worked amazingly well. Not only did the pain instantly disappear, but I felt stronger in the gym and more energetic throughout the day. I noticed that my mood was also better and I felt that my thought process was much more clearer then it had been before. Falling and staying asleep became much easier as well when I would pop one of these pills a few hours prior to going to bed.
But like most Afterschool Specials have warned us over the years, as good as some drugs might make us feel, they more often than not come with their fair share of adverse side effects. The very first problem that I noticed was that all of the benefits I would feel from taking the pain killers would disappear after roughly 8-10 hours. The second problem was that after about a week, I ran out of the pain killers. And the third problem was that I had become addicted to these pain killers and felt that I needed them just to function properly throughout the day.
My New Vice
I like to think that I know myself fairly well. And one thing I know about myself is that I have an addictive personality. This is why I refrain from heavy drinking, gambling and taking the occasional recreational drug. And to be honest, I really did think that taking the prescription based drugs that were prescribed to me for just one week would have little to no impact on me whatsoever.
But I was wrong…….
After just one day of being off the Pain Killers that I was taking, my headaches came back. My head started to throb again. My mood wasn’t as good, my energy levels plummeted, and my sleep went to shit. Looking back now, I probably should have just suffered through these emotions, feelings and symptoms for a few more days, as I’m sure my body would have eventually readjusted to feeling “normal” once again. But I wasn’t thinking rationally and I didn’t want to feel “normal”. I was awaiting for test results that were being completed on my brain. I was dealing with personal matters as well that were occurring within my own life. And I was trying to run a business that was becoming increasingly busier and demanded more of my time, energy and focus.
I needed a vice and I needed one quick. And that’s when I called up a friend who was able to get those very same pain killers for me within a matter of hours.
Escaping Reality
When I first decide to write this 3-Part Blog, I initially thought I would release the name of the Pain Killers I was taking for the past 3 months. However I soon realized that I don’t want to be giving anyone tips on what to use if they themselves are in pain and need to escape reality for a few hours each day. Therefore I’m going to refrain from divulging too much into what I was taking and how much I was taking simply because I don’t feel it’s responsible of me to do so, nor do I think it’s relevant to the story.
What is important though is that for the first time in my own life, I had grasped onto a vice, that developed into an addiction, which eventually turned into a problem, in which I now needed to solve.
Searching for a Solution
Ask anyone who has battled with any form of addiction and they themselves will tell you that it’s no picnic to break a habit in which you have been doing, or a vice in which you have been relying on for an extended period of time. I see this all the time with clients who either have addictions with alcohol, rely on caffeine to function, and/or are emotional eaters. I even have a few clients who are workout junkies that are obsessed with going to the gym and eating “clean foods” 24/7. Ofcourse none of these addictions are healthy, and all of these addicitions I would even go as far to label as dangerous.
In my case, even though my addiction has been short lived, it’s still been challenging to kick. It’s been 9 days since I stopped relying on those prescription based pain killers to help me get through my days. And to be brutally honest, every single day has been a constant struggle for me. I decided to quit what I was doing when I realized how much it was starting to have an effect on me both physically and mentally. I’m still working through the process but I see light at the end of this dismal tunnel. I find myself relying on the same tactics and tips that I provide my clients with when they themselves are trying to kick a bad and potentially dangerous addiction/habit and/or vice of their own.
Recovery
I’m not ashamed to tell you about my recent addiction openly because many of you have shared your own issues and problems with your addictions with me over the years as well. I feel as a Coach/Trainer and Fitness Professional, I have a duty to lead by example. But I also feel that I have an obligation to be open and honest with my clients to let them know that none of us are perfect and that we all have our own issues, problems, bad habits, addictions and vices that we rely on from time to time to help us cope with the everyday stresses of life.
If you’re struggling with an addiction and rely on a vice in which you yourself know is not healthy for you, and you’re ready to make a change, then stop waiting and start today!
– Seek out the help from a professional (I have a few counsellors in which I’m more then happy to refer to you if you live here in the Vancouver, British Columbia).
– Ask for support from your friends and family members. If they truly care for your health and wellbeing, then they will be there for you.
– Finally, don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. Having an addiction or relying on a vice does not make you weak. It simply makes you human.
“If you can quit for a day, you can quit for a lifetime.”
Benjamin Alire Saenz
Yours in Good Health,
Nick Cosgrove
Forever Fit Performance