Dear Ewan,

It's been 10 years since you left us. I always imagined that by now I would have been at peace with your death. However even after a decade I still struggle with the thought of knowing that you are no longer part of my life.

I’ve never been very good at expressing my emotions. I’ve always believed that showcasing any sort of vulnerability immediately puts me into a compromised position. As I’ve become older though, I’ve become more comfortable with my weaknesses being exposed rather than being hidden. I’m also more aware that the only way to combat these areas in which I struggle with emotionally, is to address them directly, openly and honestly.

When I was in my twenties I used to believe that being sad or upset was a sign of weakness and therefore I rarely if ever expressed these emotions to anyone around me. Instead, I would use anger and arrogance as my body armour to shield myself from appearing weak or frail to others. What I didn’t realize at the time though was that I was actually pushing those that were closest to me even further away.

Fast forward to my mid-thirties and I still continue to struggle with my words when it comes to expressing love, compassion and empathy towards others. Luckily for me, my actions usually speak louder than my words towards those that are in my inner circle and understand that I’m somewhat emotionally disconnected. Therefore my friends and family members don’t take too much offence when I come off as distant or cold at times.

I have a confession to make.......

I HATE writing about topics that revolve around dietary nutrition, training, and supplementation. Don't get me wrong, I love my career and I wouldn't change anything about my profession. However sometimes I feel as if I live, breathe, and shit fitness 24 hours a day, 7 day week. I wake up every morning to dozens of emails asking me about fat loss products, current fad diets, and ridiculous training gimmicks. I arrive at my gym and coach my clients on the floor for 8-10 hours straight. I than return to my home office where I spend another 2-3 hours answering more emails and designing Nutritional Plans and Training Programs for my online clients. By the time I finish up for the day (which is usually when I write my weekly blogs), the absolute last thing I want to discuss is anything and everything that is related to diet, exercise and fitness.

In my opinion there is nothing more attractive than someone who is confident in themselves and knows what they want out of life. As I become older, I find myself being drawn more and more towards people who are powerful and who are successful within their own lives. These are the types of people that motivate me on a business level and who inspire me on a personal level.

I don't respect incompetence. I can't relate to laziness. And I have no patience for time wasters. Therefore I always try my best to maintain a distance from people who possess these characteristics, as I know the toxicity that they omit will only hold me back from achieving and maintaining true Alpha Status.